In everyone’s life, there comes a time, when you are right and the entire world is wrong about something. The hardest part, then, is to know when that time comes, to hold on to your truth so whole-heartedly that nothing will break you down.
That time came last week for me, and holding on felt like one of the hardest things I had to do. It felt like everything I was doing was putting me further and further from the end point and I had to rely only on myself.
I am not talking about an easy true or false question, or the truth about a viewpoint. The truth that was being questioned was about my character, my morals, my values, and who I am as a person, the truth was hindering on me.
Truth can be defined many different ways, and when it’s being spoken the truth can be stretched or depleted faster than it was created. Truth is defined as “a verified or indisputable fact,” meaning there is some sort of permanence in the message being relayed.
That is a dangerous assumption I know, but when the truth is about you, it can literally destroy you, or paint you as a Saint. The truth is an actuality of something, and knowing the truth about yourself is a definite reassurance that you can make it by yourself… alone.
I questioned myself for a solid week. Every thought that popped into my mind I picked apart and dissected. I don’t think I even slept, and if I did, I was still doing research on myself. I wanted to know the truth. I had to discover it inside myself. I was tired of hearing who I was from other people, and what my potential was to others. I had to evaluate every decision I made and compare it with the best possible outcomes for MYSELF.
It felt like I had tunnel vision, but the tunnel I was stuck in kept flashing the same pictures of dissatisfaction from every problem area in my life. No one was listening to me, and if they were they didn’t believe me.
It was me against the world, and I had the only truth worth knowing. It was about me after all, not about them. “I am who I am,” I thought. “I have a job, a house, a good group of friends. I do the right things and I keep myself occupied with healthy activities!” What else could I be doing that could make these people question me so much that they overlooked all of these qualities?
I had no idea, but I knew at the core of my being that the truth about me was begging to be discovered. I believed in myself. I knew what I was doing was right, and the disappointments that were associated with my name were created by the deceitful nature of another person.
It was the hardest lesson to learn, but I did it. The truth was that I no longer needed anyone’s help. I didn’t want to hear the comments, or answer any questions, or even listen to advice on what was socially acceptable. It was up to me this time, and only I could do it.
It felt like weeks of research, and hours of inner dialogue but at the end of it all I knew who I was; the truth about me was that I could face the world independently. I no longer needed these people as much as I used to. The truth, I discovered for the first time in my whole life, was I actually had my own back this time. No longer would someone break me down about the way I thought of myself, I knew who I was and I loved her.
One of my favorite quotes I live by is “advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer.” Ask yourself next time if you already know the answer to the question you are looking for. Sometimes the answers don’t make sense to other people, but if they make sense to you then whole-heartedly hold on, you are the only one with the truth.